Branding is a hot topic. Seems like every writer is trying to establish a personal brand.
Well, guess what? I don’t have to.
And why not? What makes me so special?
I’m Bob Motherfucking Collins. That’s what makes me special.
I only have to do what Bob Collins does. That makes everything I do special–automatically.
What! You don’t think it works like that? It sure does.
Let me share a story with you.
Back when I was fourteen years old, I had a pretty big dick. It wasn’t the full eleven and three-quarter inches I got now–that didn’t happen till I was 15–but it was still pretty big. I started showing it off to some girls in my school. No big deal. Just, you know, in the woods, stuff like that. But pretty soon word got around I was packing a canon.
How’s that for word of mouth advertising?
Pretty soon girls were asking me to see it. And I was never the kind a guy who could upset his customers. So I showed it off. To anyone who wanted a look.
It was only a matter a time before they wanted to touch it, then lick it, then fuck it.
By that time, my reputation was set. I had my brand. Biggest dick in Lakewood.
But you see what I did? Did you pay attention to my strategy here? I did absoluely nothing special. I just showed off my dick. I didn’t try to go find some fancy angle on things. I just worked with what God had seen fit to give me. Lord knows I ain’t got to much brains, so I didn’t try to impress ’em with the answer to Jeopardy questions. But I had a big dick. I worked with it.
So, what can you learn from my story?
1) If you don’t got something special to offer your customers, you’re fucked.